


Hush - Can You Hear Me Now?

by calmena



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Sentinel/Guide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmena/pseuds/calmena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin concentrates on details too much, he knows that. But when they start to get overwhelming, and Michael is the only one seems to be able to help, will Michael be able to overcome the dislike he seems to feel towards Gavin?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Art by [joelmavinman](joelmavinman.tumblr.com). She's awesome and made great art for it that I embedded. I'll let you know when there's a art master post!

When Gavin was a child, he used to concentrate on small details that nobody else ever paid attention to. He used to be so caught up in them all the time, he forgot to see the big things - he figured that was how everyone saw the world. Not the tree was interesting, but the way leaves moved when they were falling from the trees, the specific color of a lake when the sky is cloudy, or the way raindrops move when they hit a surface.

It's the small things that make stuff interesting, he'd tried to explain to his friends back then. There had only been stares of confusion and at some point Gavin had just stopped trying to explain and come to terms with being just a little different in that aspect.

Sometimes it used to make problems, like when he couldn't keep paying attention for long enough to actually learn something at school. He'd figured that out, too, teaching himself in ways that made his overactive brain actually pay attention. For years he'd had to apply his own techniques to learn, wrangling his brain into submission. Keeping it from jumping from interesting fact to weird peculiarity to entirely useless knowledge.

At other times he would just completely zone out, then blink and come to with people poking at him or looking at him in confusion or concern. He was never able to tell them what had just happened - his brain had just gone off on a tangent - but he got used to that, too. After some time, after he’d started learning to cope with them, they came less and less often and lasted shorter, so he moved on from that, too.

His unusual way of focusing on details was what drew him towards slow motion. Initially he had just tried to put across what fascinated him to other people, to make what he always noticed more obvious to them in slow motion. But it ended up being fun and something he was actually really good in and then he was hired by Roosterteeth and everything was really awesome.

And it still is, but sometimes he just feels like it could be even better. He usually tries to shake the thought off, because how could it get better than this, a job he loves with people he likes and gets on well with in an environment he feels good in. It should feel awesome, perfect.

Only, it doesn't.

 

* * *

 

Michael, in the beginning, is just so very different. Loud and brash and so _angry_ and for the longest time, Gavin thinks Michael hates him. He doesn’t figure out that the little quips and the nicknames and the explosive, loud rage he displays aren’t hate at all. Michael can absolutely ignore a person, if he puts his heart into it -- but Gavin doesn’t know that, then.

(Sometimes, sometimes Gavin's brain gets lost in thoughts, though and he wonders. Had Michael really hated him back then, had Gavin been too annoying, too asshole-y, too something?)

(And then it gets lost in other things that are Michael, in the way he breathes louder when he is angry, the way his voice gets all rough and his face red and in the way his fingers clutch the controller harder right before he's about to throw it away from him. And how he can shout at Gavin one moment and how he can make him laugh with just one dumb expression.)

(And Gavin feels like it doesn’t even matter. Michael doesn’t hate him now, anyway.)

 

* * *

 

"This is our new brit. Don't break him, he's the only one we have.”

That's the way Geoff introduces him to the guys, all loose and relaxed and Gavin feels like he's going to vibrate out of his skin at any moment, he's so excited as he tries to take in everything at once. There are three other guys in the room, each of them editing something by the looks of their desktop screens, even if they're turned towards Geoff and him at the moment and not actually looking at what they'd been busy with, before Geoff had commanded their attention.

Gavin doesn't know what to do with all the eyes on him. He likes attention just fine, craves it occasionally, even, but usually he has control over when he gets it. Like this, his brain feels like it's in overdrive, so it’s not actually a surprise when he notices the little slip of his consciousness, sideways into the little space where all it takes in are details, before it actually happens. He shuts it down violently. It feels vaguely like he's just punched himself in the gob, but he doesn't want the first thing he does in the presence of his new coworkers to be to zone out.

Geoff has known him a little longer, has seen it happen once or twice even, because sometimes Gavin’s control just comes and goes. It didn’t take long for him to get used to that little quirk Gavin has, and that's nice, but he can't expect everyone to react like that and - wonder, oh wonder - Gavin actually wants his coworkers to like him.

One of them (Ray, his brain tells him and Gavin wants to know where it got that from (he only notices the package that has the name on it under Ray's desk later)) says, “Hi” and lifts a hand in greeting for a moment, before he turns back to what actually turns out to be an Xbox game he's playing.

Jack mostly just nods kind of welcomingly at him and Gavin knows (of) him already, because Geoff mentioned him a few times so Gavin kind of nods back because he doesn't want to seem rude (straightaway).

The last guy is just kind of staring at him when Gavin turns. For a moment, he’s taken aback - and then he stares back, ignoring the way Geoff shuffles behind him, mildly amused, but mostly disconcerted by the way they are behaving. It makes Gavin want to continue even longer, nevermind that he is pretty weirded out by his own behaviour, himself.

He feels strangely measured by the look of the guy (Michael, Michael, Michael, his mind jumps up and down and Gavin wants to trust it, but he doesn't know where it gets its damn info from, so he can't (there’s a name tag stuck to the backside of one of the games lying on his desk, but Gavin doesn't know that then)). Gavin's reaction to the measuring gaze is to puff up a little, and it's entirely subconsciously but it makes the guy (MichaelMichaelMICHAEL) squint at him and snort distastefully, anyway. When he turns back to editing, Gavin feels strangely bereft and he really just wants to be friends with him, even if he is the only one who reacted openly hostile (minimally, he tries to tell himself. It was just minimally hostile) to him.

 

* * *

 

They learn the hard way that Gavin's brain has a direct link to his mouth and that he just never shuts up, because he never stops thinking.

(They argue that he never actually _starts_ , but it's really the opposite. Gavin thinks in weird ways, and he expresses himself even more weirdly (being the only Brit in a crowd of Americans doesn't make it easier. Yes, quite a few of the words he tends to say really do exist, thank you very much) but he does think... in a way.)

They mock him when words get scrambled in his brain and come out in weird combinations of sounds, or when he just talks as he does and he loves it. It's all so nice and it's a little like working with a crowd of friends and even if Michael still doesn't really seem to like him, Gavin is happy. (Ish.)

Because there's still a traitorous part of his brain (and it's treacherously big, that part) that mourns every time Michael is actually mad at him when Gavin tries to make him laugh and pouts every time one of Gavin's fist bumps or high fives goes willfully ignored.

"Why doesn't Michael like me?" Gavin whines on the drive to work, once and Geoff rolls his eyes. (He'd seen the question coming, with Gavin being like a little puppy around Michael and Michael not reacting favorably, at all. It still exasperates him, Gavin can see that in the line of his mouth and between his eyes. But Geoff isn't actually angry or impatient, so it's okay.)

"Probably because you're an annoying little dickhead," he says and it sounds fond, but Gavin still whines and sinks further down in the seat, like he could vanish into it, if he wanted.

"But that's just how I am," he complains and looks at Geoff, hoping he'll give him actual advice on how to handle things. "So what do I do?"

And Geoff sighs loudly, but he keeps looking at the road as he drives, even when he shakes his head. “How would I know? Try to be less of a dickhead or something, I have no idea, it's eight o'clock in the fucking morning, I can't tell you dicks right now."

And Gavin makes another whining sound and sinks even further into his seat.

 

* * *

 

He tries. Gavin really tries to be less… himself, but he never knows when he's being annoying, so he can't exactly stop doing that. Michael seems to be angry at him whenever he opens his mouth, but he is really bad at keeping quiet so that's not something he can do.

He even tries, at first, just to see if it makes Michael happy. He gets a few weird looks, because usually the only times when he's quiet are when he's editing something (or when he's close to winning a Let's Play, as they find out later. Not that it happens often, it’s no fun if everything goes according to plan, anyway), but Michael doesn't seem to notice his silence at all. Gavin still gets shouted at when Michael's house goes up in flames (even though this time it isn't actually his fault).

So after that Gavin tries to stay far away from Michael in the game, even if it's boring because Michael is where the action happens and if Gavin is staying away from him he's also staying away from the action. He figures he doesn't need to be silent anymore, though, since it hadn't seemed to make a difference to Michael, before.

And still he gets shouted at and he doesn't even know what he's supposed to have done wrong this time. His Minecraft character is halfway across the world from everyone else's, so there's no way it was something in game, and Michael is ignoring his babbling anyway, so he doesn't know what he _did_.

It upsets him weirdly, being the target of someone's ire even though he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. He never expected that everyone would like him, but Michael hating him is still a little upsetting, for whatever reason.

He gets up when he feels his brain slipping a little, and leaves the room while Michael is still raging, ignoring the questioning looks he feels in his back.

(There's a spot on the floor where someone spilled coffee and missed a bit when cleaning it up, a spider web near the ceiling and the window has streaks from where someone put their hand on the glass. The clouds outside look like it's going to rain at some point today and there's already a hint of moisture in the air that supports the assumption. Someone down the street mowed their lawn, the smell of freshly cut grass in the air and somewhere nearby a cat is sitting in front of a door and mewing and the ground is warm underneath his shoes and the engine of someone's car in the Roosterteeth parking lot is clicking because it's cooling.)

When he comes back to himself (he blinks, because his eyes are dry from staring at nothing for however long it was and he licks his lips, because they feel cracked in the hot sun) Geoff is sitting right by his side on the floor next to the door to their building.

“You alright?" he asks casually, taking a pull from his beer. Gavin feels incredibly thankful for him, right then, mostly because Geoff just asks like it's no big deal. Never mind that Gavin had zoned out. (How long has it been, anyway?)

“Sure,” Gavin mutters, drawing his foot through the dry earth beneath his shoes and staring at the streak it leaves. He doesn’t feel embarrassed about it, just a little tired, but only because he’s long since gotten used to these kinds of situations. “Peachy.”

Geoff snorts, but he doesn't actually say anything and Gavin is glad, because he couldn't explain, anyway. “I'm good.” Gavin says it once more, even while his brain is still on the brink of tilting sideways, again and it feels like his control never really came back after his slip.


	2. Chapter 2

Gavin doesn't drive. He doesn't have a license, but that's more of an effect than the cause.

The thing is, he can't drive. He doesn't have a lot of control over when he zones out in the first place, and in an environment where he has to pay so much attention to everything that is going on simultaneously, what little control he has would probably be useless. And he might seem a little careless sometimes, but he doesn't want to crash - and he knows that would be a possibility.

As it is, he's left with one possibility - hitching rides with the other AH guys, which works just fine most of the time.

But sometimes it doesn't.

 

* * *

 

It's a few days after his slip up at the office - Geoff has just stopped hovering in that covertly uncovert way he has and the odd glances turned his way have finally stopped, after all.

(He also doesn't slip up at the slightest provocation, anymore, so that's good.)

They're all working on something or another - Gavin on one of the Minecraft Let's Plays they're planning on uploading soon, everyone else on... something. He's afraid of peeking for fear of being swept away in a wave of details, even though things really have been better the last days. He doesn't want to provoke it, though.

Michael is cursing under his breath, so it's probably a Rage Quit, because he tends to get worked up over them when he does the editing, though it could be something else as well. Again, Gavin is afraid to glance over, this time because with his luck Michael would notice and have another reason to be angry at him for it. (He really does seem to get angry at everything Gavin does. He still hasn't figured out that they're going to be friends, should Gavin have his way, it seems.)

Gavin hums under his breath as he starts the rendering process and rolls back on his chair a little, staring at the screen, where the little bar is filling slowly. It'll take a while, he decides and gets up, meandering towards the break room to see if anyone is in there or - in case there's not - to get some food, because he forgot about lunch, he was so immersed in the Let's Play he'd been editing.

Barbara is making coffee when he comes into the break room and Gavin uses the time to chat with her, because he's done with the video and she's great, he has decided as much even if he doesn't know her well, yet. So the quick food run to the break room ends up taking over half an hour and when he comes back into the office he's in a good mood, humming something under his breath that’s been stuck in his head the whole day.

It immediately plummets when he sees the error message on his screen that tells him that basically all of his work is lost. (Because he never has the foresight to save, he has to start doing that, why hadn’t he saved?)

And that's how he ends up having to stay at work even longer and it's not even really his fault.

A few times someone says something to him - probably goodnights, because the others have to have finished by then, but he doesn't listen, just hums and tries to get the video finished as soon as possible while not making it look like complete shite.

It's hours later when he finally finishes with the damn video and it's only when he looks at the clock that he notices. Cursing, he closes his eyes, resisting the urge to bash his head against the desk because of course he's stuck now, because one of the people he'd ignored before had probably been Geoff saying something about driving home. Thus leaving him stuck, because there probably won't be anyone else around anymore at two am.

He is so caught up in feeling bad for himself that he jumps when someone next to him sighs deeply.

"Come on, asshole, I'm taking you home."

For a moment Gavin can't say anything at all, he just stares at Michael, because of all the people he would have expected something like that from, Michael is... not one of them. Mostly because he hates Gavin, so he doesn't understand why he would help him out - especially since he's never offered to drive him, before. Then, a bright smile comes over his lips, as Michael rolls his eyes.

He seems honestly annoyed, but he's willing to drive Gavin home, so he's willing to consider that progress. (Or maybe Geoff talked him into driving Gavin home, or one of the others, but still, he could have driven home without telling him, or declined to, anyway - nobody can force him to drive Gavin home in the early morning hours. It would be an asshole move, sure, but Michael pretty much hates him, so the fact that he didn't do it is promising.)

Gavin can't force the grin from his lips all the way to the car while Michael strolls along the way moodily - probably because Gavin is being way too chipper for how late (or is it ‘early in the morning’?)  it is, but he just can't help himself.

This is the first move towards their completely awesome friendship, he can feel it in his bones.

 

* * *

 

"Good morning, Michael!"

Michael is already at work the next morning when Gavin and Geoff arrive. Gavin, at least, is a little surprised by that, since Michael had been the last to leave with Gavin. Nobody else is there yet, either - they made it a point to come in early for once, and Michael must have been in even earlier. Had he not needed to go to work with Geoff, Gavin would probably still be sleeping, himself.

(Or really, he would probably be up at that point, because they're all expected to come to work during the next hour, and he needs a little while to be awake before he has to leave, so he isn’t a danger to himself and others, essentially. Otherwise he'll be half asleep and falling over his feet every ten steps.)

Michael ignores him and continues working on - is that still the Rage Quit? Gavin would have thought he'd have finished that by now. He's frowning at the screen, muttering angrily under his breath and not even moving to greet them and Gavin feels the good mood that had been the only thing to get him to even get up that morning plummet. But then, Michael is ignoring them both, so this is probably (hopefully) not because he hates Gavin, only dedication to the video he's working on. Geoff, at least, doesn't seem to find it strange that Michael isn't reacting with delight to their arrival. Or at all, really.

Dismissing the thought, Gavin falls into his chair. He has too many other things to do to worry about this, he decides, loading up one of the other Let's Plays he's preparing for publishing.

"I thought we could start uploading the first Minecraft episode, see if people are interested in it so we see if we're going to continue," Geoff mentions then, from the other side of the room and Gavin shrugs. The video is long finished, anyway. Geoff nods decisively.

"Okay. We're going to upload it sometime during the next days then."

 

* * *

 

They don't predict how well received it is and because they had fun and people obviously like the video, they decide that they're going to do some more, even those who aren't yet completely used to the controls and the crafting menu.

To get some more practice before they get into the heavier stuff, they decide to tackle an achievement, all together. It's a rowdy night and Gavin is drunk (oh, so drunk) and he has fun and is an asshole. (More so than usual and Jack is getting annoyed and the others don't even try to get him to come back when he runs off to do something else in the world, even if he leaves them alone to work on the tracks. They're afraid he's going to burn it all down somehow, his penchant for setting fire to things in games well-known by that point. Lava is one of his favourite things, ever, obviously. When he's not falling into it, that is.)

He comes back halfway through and his concentration is blurry with alcohol, details muted and he hears only about half of the words that are said to him and he likes being in that state, because he doesn't have to try to suppress the little things all around him and he can just let go. (And that's probably why he's so annoying, because he's giddy with relief at not having to keep his brain in check for once and if he could he'd spend the day in a haze of drunkenness, but that's not good, so he doesn't. He's also kind of an awful asshole when he's drunk and he's pretty sure that would destroy his chance at a friendship with Michael, and he still really wants that, even with the alcohol in his blood.)

They're playing and he notices Jack leaving because of something he says (and some part of Gavin, the part of his brain that is almost-but-not-quite offline being regretful for being an asshole because it notices the little detail that he really is upset and that Gavin was too much of an asshole the whole time, but he’ll think about that again, later, right then he's busy having what his inebriated brain considers to be fun).

He somehow gets into the mine cart, everyone around him shouting with what he can't decide is either real anger or amused exasperation, but he doesn't care to figure it out right then and then he's going and everyone is shouting and Michael tackles him to the floor.

Gavin takes the brunt of it, Michael landing on top of him and for a moment he can't breath but he's still laughing and Michael's face is red and while there’s anger in his voice, there’s laughter in his eyes and he's on top of him and it's good.

And Michael is touching his skin while he's reaching for his controller, trying to stop his character from getting to the end, and his hands are on Gavin's arms and it's then that Gavin notices that they've never actually touched like this before and it feels like there's tingles all through his body for a moment, a little like he imagines how it would feel to get stuck by lightning, only less painful. And he vaguely notices that the achievement pops up on screen and everyone is shouting and then the world turns sideways and all he notices is details and all they are is Michael.

And Gavin drowns in Michael and he must be smiling sappily and stupidly because it feels so great; warm and comfortable and so nice, right up until someone throws cold water into his face and he comes to, sputtering and confused.

Gavin wipes water from his eyes, coughing more out of surprise than an actual urge to cough, while everyone else is watching him with barely disguised concern. Only Michael is standing as far away from him as is possible without leaving the room, looking on with a blank expression.

It's then that Gavin actually understands what just happened and he feels himself pale. Geoff's expression turns even more worried for a moment, like he thinks Gavin is going to pass out (which, he thinks that might actually be a possibility, because how is he going to explain that sometimes his brain turns sideways and he only notices details about everything without sounding like a complete and utter moron and this whole thing is utter rubbish, he shouldn't have provoked Michael into tackling him, he shouldn't have been such an utter asshole the whole time, he shouldn't have gotten as drunk as he had in the first place).

His brain goes off on a tangent again, but this time it's "should have"s, "could have"s and "would have"s and not details about what Michael's tattoos look like, how his hands are warm and the freckles in his face and the specific color of his eyes.

At some point everyone notices the awkwardness that has settled around them and they mutter things that aren't actually words and either move back towards their desks, headphones firmly over their ears, or they find some reason to leave the room completely.

It leaves Geoff and Gavin basically alone, and Geoff sighs.

"Come on," he mutters and signs for him to follow.

"What the fuck was that?" Geoff voices the question Gavin has been asking himself, though in his mind the voice was more barely controlled panic, than the vaguely concerned annoyance of Geoff's. "He touched you and you just about passed out in a happy daze. I know you don't talk about that thing, but if it's something we have to be worried about, you need to tell me."

"You've seen it happen before," Gavin points out, alcohol still churning lazily in his blood and making the remark so much more mellow than it might otherwise be, nevermind that he actually thinks he's going to throw up because of nerves.

Geoff sighs, this time definitely annoyed. "Yeah, but I thought that was you getting lost in your head. I didn't think you'd turn full on catatonic on us!"

And the thing is, Gavin gets it. Back before he'd started having that little sliver of control he has now, people used to get a scare because of it a lot more often than they do now. But of course it would be Michael who messes everything up. Who else would it be than the one person who has, so far, steadfastly refused his tries at befriending him, even though he's really the only one Gavin really, really wants to like him. (Well, not the only one. But definitely among the few he feels like he needed to like him.)

So he decides to tell Geoff the whole thing. About how he sometimes zones out and only takes in details, how it's sometimes the smallest things and how he sometimes sees things that are, realistically, completely beyond what he should be able to notice. (The next room over, Barbara spills her coffee right then, and Gavin tells Geoff, because while he isn't currently in one of his little zones, remainders are still there, his brain balancing on the edge of slipping again.)

Geoff listens with a frown and Gavin can almost see the cogs in his head turning, can nearly hear him thinking that Gavin is mad. So he tells Geoff that Gavin is not, in fact the only one.

Because he isn't. His grandmother had been like him, and his parents had friends who were, as well. It wasn't anything too useful, so it mostly ended up being buried under a lot of not talking and being afraid of slipping.

Gavin's grandmother used to tell him that some time ago, the ability had actually been helpful. How people had seen miles, and miles away, how it had been used for crime solving, but that they'd stopped being able to do things like that because humanity didn't exactly need it to survive - evolution did its thing, taking away things it didn't deem necessary, slowly letting it fade out.

So he was left with the last vestiges of an ability that should have made him more useful, but actually ended up being a pain to handle and an actual difficulty for his life.

In the end, Geoff just looks at him and Gavin is not sure if he believes anything of what he just heard. Maybe he's thinking Gavin is just having him on.

(He isn't, just for the record.)

In the end, he just shakes his head and closes his eyes. "Well. That explains so many things."

"It does?" Gavin is ashamed to say that he's surprised to hear that.He doesn't think he made too much sense, himself. Geoff snorts like that's the funniest thing he's heard all day.

"Nah, not at all. But whatever. As long as it's nothing bad, it's okay." And with those words Geoff is halfway to the door, only stopping when Gavin makes a reluctant noise.

"Could you... maybe not tell anyone about that?" he asks and Geoff just looks at him for a moment, forehead crumpled in confusion, until he finally shrugs once more.

"Sure. Suit yourself."

It feels like a heavy weight falls from his chest and Gavin marvels at how much it helps that now at least one person knows what's going on. He doesn't really want to tell the others yet, even though Geoff doesn’t seem to care about it much.

If there’s one thing that makes him wish Geoff didn’t know, then it is that it doesn’t help with is the concerned and/or thoughtful glances that start up again, after that. But it's not even that, which imbalances him the most. It's the way Michael starts to look at him. Furtively and doubtful, like the way Gavin had zoned out in front of (because of) him had been some slight from Gavin.

And in turn Gavin starts being a lot more careful around him, more careful than he's ever been, knowing that this won't make the whole situation seem less weighty than it is. He goes to great lengths to avoid touching Michael even in passing, afraid that he's going to zone out right away again, never mind that anytime he's brushed against Michael on accident before, it hadn't been an issue.

Everyone starts taking notice of the change of behaviour at some point, but they don't say anything, so it goes on that way until Michael abruptly pulls him aside after a Let's Play.

Gavin doesn't even have the time to freak out about zoning out because of the touch (not that he would have to - Michael isn't even touching his skin, it’s just his shirt sleeve, for god’s sake), or even about the fact that Michael is pulling him aside, because one moment he's on his way to get some coffee and the next he's in an empty office.

"Wha-"

"Listen here, asshole," Michael interrupts him roughly, pointing a finger right between his eyes and Gavin forces down the urge to cross his eyes to look at it. "I don't know what your problem is about me touching you, but just tell me and you won't have to walk around squished against the wall. I won't go up there and rub my hands over you, if that's what you're afraid of."

Gavin's brain be damned, his eyes immediately hone in on Michael's hands when he says that, his cheeks flushing hotly for reasons unknown to him.

"I'm not afraid of you touching me," he says dumbly, as if that's the most important thing about all that. Michael scoffs. Gavin can't even hold it against him, he gets why Michael would get the impression that he's being avoided, honestly.

"I'm not," he says again, like that's going to make Michael suddenly believe him.

"Yeah, right. I'll stay away from you, anyway," Michael says, rolling his eyes and he's already turning towards the door and for some reason Gavin just about panics for virtually no reason at all. He grabs for Michael's sleeve, but he ends up grabbing his hand and oops.

Details rush in on him-

(He never wanted to know that there's a congealed pizza stain beneath the desk in the room, or that in a room next to them someone is having an argument with their girlfriend or that there's a bird flying over the building. A car uses their parking lot to make a turn-)

"Yeah, you’re sure touching me is okay?"

Michael's voice sounds mocking, but there's vague concern in it and it makes Gavin almost happy, for all the awkwardness he feels for zoning out again.

"Sorry," he says, grinning sheepishly. As if that's going to make Michael forget about his little mishaps. "That's not actually your fault, you know?"

"Right." It's obvious he doesn't believe Gavin and this time when he leaves the room, Gavin doesn't try to stop him. He's still very tempted to reach out again, though, grab for Michael's (very warm, very nice) hand once more.

He doesn't, and he tells himself the urge to do so is only because he's still feeling a little woozy because of his little episode, back there.


	3. Chapter 3

Geoff fires up the grill that weekend and he invites all the Achievement Hunters and a few random people from Roosterteeth to his house. It gets pretty full (Gavin is almost convinced Geoff actually invited the entire Roosterteeth crew) and at some point Gavin just lets himself drift from one conversation to the next, pleasantly buzzed on the bevs that have been steadily coming, enough beer in the kitchen to keep a crew of hundred people buzzed, honestly.

He's talking to Barbara when someone throws an arm around his shoulder and he reflexively stiffens for a moment. People had been more careful about touching him since he'd so obviously zoned out in the middle of the office. It's awkward, people pulling back their hands mid-move and it's a little disappointing, so many of the usual, casual touches suddenly missing, and still he's surprised now, when someone actually treats him as usual.

All the bigger is the surprise when it actually turns out to be Michael, who's suddenly talking to Barbara as well, arm still around Gavin's shoulder like it's supposed to be there.

"Are you drunk?" he asks Michael, like that would explain everything. (Which, while it might not explain everything, would probably be true for a large part of it, at least.)

Barbara gives them an unreadable look for a moment, but she ignores the question. Michael seems to be doing so as well, though Gavin is noticing that he seems to be a little drunk. He still doesn't know why Michael decided to start now, of all times, to be sort of nice to him. Or near him. Or at least touch him again, or whatever.

Gavin is also not zoning out, even if Michael's arm brushes against the back of his neck, sometimes. It's nice, he thinks, a little dizzily.

 

* * *

 

Michael is back to mostly ignoring him (and shouting at him when he isn't) the next day. Still, the arm over Gavin's shoulder the day before had been friendly, right? So he decides to take that as a good sign and acts like he doesn't notice the angry glances Michael shoots his way when Gavin sidles up close to him.

He doesn't touch him (much), because he's still a little nervous about having one of his zone outs, though. They've finally started making a bit of progress in Gavin's plan to become friends, he doesn't want to completely weird Michael out by constantly reacting to him like that.

(Even though it's probably too late to try, anyway.)

The problem is, as soon as he starts getting close to Michael again, he starts to notice things. Not like the usual things, little details about things, no. He takes in the way Michael eyes glitter angrily when Gavin pushes him too far, the way his hands are so nice, his freckles, the one dimple he has. Gavin feels warm and it's disconcerting.

 

* * *

 

Gavin had listened in on his parents talking to friends, once, and heard them talking about Guides. He hadn't known then what they meant and he still doesn't know, and he barely remembers the whole thing anyway.

But he does remember the details, like they've been burned into his head, even though he hadn't stood there long before his parents had noticed him and urged him to go to bed because he was still little and it was late.

They had talked about warmth and zoning and control and sometimes Gavin wonders if they'd been like him as well, and if he should know what they'd been talking about. The air had been warm until someone had said something (Gavin had watched the way the woman brushed over her ring, like she was petting it and not concerned himself with their talk) and they'd fought and the topic had been dropped and shortly after he'd been noticed, anyway.

He never did find out what they meant by Guides, or what they were even talking about and sometimes it nags at him, even though it was so long ago. Sometimes, the urge to look it up, to see if there's something to know about it, is so strong he almost goes to research.

He never has, so far, always getting off track but somehow, sometimes when he looks at Michael he remembers and he wonders.

 

* * *

 

Gavin has been a member of the Achievement Hunter guys for months and Michael still seems to be angry at him a lot.

He's also figured out that most of the time Michael isn't as angry as he makes it out to be, though, which is nice. Not that he's happy with how Gavin acts (not that he can change it. He's a bit of a troll in games and he likes to talk - he can't be serious or something, it's part of his character and it's expected!) but at least he doesn't have the urge to go at his throat all the time, like it seems.

They still don't touch much. They don't go out of their way to avoid brushing against each other, either, but there's definitely less skin-to-skin contact than there would be simply on accident. Most of the time, it's subconscious, because his previous episodes are still somewhere in the back of Gavin's head and if they keep happening, at some point the others will demand explanations as well and he doesn't want to have to tell everyone. He's still glad Geoff took it so well, it's not like he can expect everyone not to decide he's a loony.

Sometimes, Gavin wonders why it seems like Michael is the one thing that puts him in a zone immediately. Not always, certainly not everytime they touch, but once in awhile, it happens.

Gavin still finds himself staring thoughtfully at Michael, sometimes. (Right up until Michael notices and glances at him with exasperation. What?!) His hands are still very nice.

But mostly they sort of exist next to each other and most of all, they're still not friends and it bothers Gavin. Even if he gets on really well with the rest of the guys, his relationship with Michael is still one of mostly stoic silence and sometimes icy coolness.

Right up until the time they brush up against each other, their hands touch and suddenly everything is details again and Gavin has just about enough time to think, "Oh, that sucks-"

(There's a plane over their office, Gus is panicking about something in one of the offices above theirs, Ryan is on the phone in the warehouse, Barbara is writing a mail with a smile on her face and-)

"What the fuck, you freaking fuck!"

Gavin abruptly jostles out of his zone out to find Michael right in his face, angrily staring at him as if Gavin had done something to personally offend him. If zoning out in front of him (again!) isn't an offense, Gavin can't think of anything he could have done to make Michael mad at him.

"You're a Sentinel, you asshole?!"  
  


* * *

 

You see, the thing is, nobody had ever really explained anything about why he zoned out, when he was younger. He was either told to go to bed when his parents talked to friends about it, or his grandmother told him things that sounded almost like stories and she purposely made them sound so. He never got any actual terms because when he was told something, they were mostly ideas, something he associated with fairy tales.

He thought it was a coincidence that sometimes it sounded so very similar to what he could do, but he mostly thought that was due to his brain making up connections that weren't there.

Anyway, because nobody had actually ever bothered explaining things to him (to be fair, nobody thought he could actually do something, but he doesn't know that then. They thought he was normal, were glad about it, even, because the zone-outs were minor enough to be written off as a child being a child. When Gavin confronts them about it, later, they feel bad, they should have known the signs because they had hoped Gavin wouldn't have to deal with all that. They had hoped that so much, they'd ignored the signs that he would) when Michael says those words to him, Gavin just sort of... blinks at him.

"What."

 

* * *

 

For a moment Gavin thinks Michael is going to hit him and he doesn’t even know what he did to deserve it. A few seconds tick by and he concentrates on the way there's a tick near Michael's eye, like he's so annoyed by Gavin he can't even really react and at some point that gets boring so he starts watching Michael sputter and it's a little funny, or would be, if he weren't convinced that he's going to come to terms with whatever in a second and jump him in the not-fun way.

”Bullshit.”

The door slams closed and Gavin is left staring at where Michael vanished without so much as explaining what he’d meant before and what Gavin did wrong and and Gavin is just left confused and alone in the room and just…

"What."

 

* * *

 

And Michael is glaring at Gavin all day long, like Gavin did something horrible and he still doesn't know what the big deal is and why Michael freaked out at him (okay, not really, but he got angry and for Michael that's basically the same thing, anyway) just because Gavin did his usual zoning thing. It might not be normal for most people, but even so, it surely didn't warrant the pure rage Michael seemed to be levelling at him because of it, especially since Michael can't even know the extent of what Gavin does in those moments so basically there's a whole lot of confusion in Gavin and that he's so in his own head is probably the only reason why the stress of being so caught off guard isn't enough to send him into detail-fixation overkill.

He's a little less annoying than he usually makes a point to be in the Let’s Play they record that day, mostly because he's so busy sneaking glances at Michael, not that it helps him figure out why he is so angry at Gavin.

Nobody else seems to be surprised about Michael being at obvious odds with Gavin yet again, because it's the usual and Gavin has switched up his approach to Michael so often that it apparently doesn't afford more than a semi-surprised glance and a raised eyebrow, anymore. Gavin would feel disheartened by it, if he wasn't still so confused.

He doesn't want to mention it at work, either, because if the way Michael had reacted to the whole thing before is any inclination, it would probably not be a good idea. Anyway, Gavin actually wants to get an answer from him and not just shouting, so he'll probably have to wait for Michael to cool off a little, anyway, and to come to terms with... whatever it is that had riled him up so much about their exchange, before.

It's because of this that Gavin is so glad when it's actually Michael who makes the first move after all, when he gets up and stretches once he's finished editing his video and it's started rendering.

"Get up, asshole," he says, not even looking and still everyone knows he's talking to Gavin. It actually prompts a few surprised looks and raised eyebrows, way more so than Gavin's change of behavior had. Even Gavin can't keep the surprised expression from his face, because he hadn't thought Michael would actually want to talk to him about whatever it is and he's still curious, never mind that Michael looks about as happy at the prospect of talking to him as he probably would at eating dog poo. And wow, that's actually a disgusting metaphor.

So Gavin follows after Michael when he leaves the room, going to the break room to get coffee and then outside, entirely, sitting down on the steps in front of their building. For a moment Gavin keeps standing there awkwardly, not knowing what is expected from him, until Michael shoots him a look.

"Sit down, moron."

So Gavin does, falling onto the steps next to where Michael is already sitting, sipping on his coffee and staring at nothing. Gavin is afraid that if he does that, he'll fall into the details of it, so he mostly just stares at Michael, never mind that there are just about as many details to fall into there.

"Snap out of it and listen to me," Michael says then, moving his hand to poke at him and Gavin is afraid of slipping right then, of doing just what he'd told himself he wouldn't do to avoid freaking Michael out once more. Never mind that he doesn't seem freaked out at the moment, at all.

But he doesn't zone out right then and he doesn't even feel like he's not entirely in the moment, even. In fact - he feels clearer, somehow and it's…

"Weird."

Michael rolls his eyes, but he doesn't actually say anything scathing, which Gavin almost expected, because how would Michael know what he means. But the point is, he doesn't and instead he looks at Gavin almost searchingly, like there's something special about him, something other than that he can sometimes see the little details about things that nobody would even be able to notice.

"Aw, shit. You actually have no fucking idea, do you?" Michael asks after a while and Gavin can only look at him in askance because he honestly doesn't know what he's talking about and for once it's not actually Gavin who's talking rubbish, never mind that it's also the first time that there's something that actually sounds like friendly, if exasperated impatience in his voice.

Gavin shrugs and he tries to look apologetic, even if he has no freaking idea what he's apologizing for. "No, I don't think so."

There's another silence, even though this one is considerably shorter and for once Gavin lets it stretch, because Michael is still sitting next to him and he's still looking at the street and Gavin in turns and he's thinking.

"You don't know what Sentinels are?" he asks finally and he could have been talking in riddles for how much Gavin understood him. He shook his head and shrugged at the same time, hoping that it wouldn't cause Michael to give up on explaining whatever he was about to explain.

(A part of his brain is shouting at him that Michael is crazy, that he is talking about weird things and something that doesn't concern their situation at all, but then, it's also the first time Michael has actually wanted to have a talk with him, so Gavin doesn't actually care if Michael is maybe being a little loony.)

"What kind of fucked up hippie family did you grow up in?" Michael mutters and it's obvious that he's not really talking to Gavin, so he doesn't take offense at the words and he just keeps watching Michael shake his head and listening to him when he actually turns to him once more.

"Like, you notice shit, right? Details and stuff?"

Gavin nods slowly and he feels a little like someone took the air away from around him, because he doesn't know how Michael knows, but that's the gist and did Geoff talk to him about why Gavin was so weird sometimes?

"Like, you zone out sometimes and stuff and - I actually have no idea how heavy that shit gets, damn, that's not supposed to be my business!" The last part is more to himself, again, than to Gavin, but he's still fascinated.

"Fuck it. Basically, what you are, that's called Sentinels."

"So you're one, too?" Gavin asks before he can think better of it and Michael-- Michael just laughs.

It's not mean laughter, he's laughing like Gavin actually made a hilarious joke - alas one that he, himself, apparently hadn't understood. So he's just sitting there, watching Michael laugh and feeling a mixture of accomplished at being the reason for it and embarrassed for having it so hilariously wrong, Michael actually could overcome his usual annoyance with him and laugh about it.

"Wait, you actually meant that?" Michael asks finally, when he pauses and looks at Gavin with incredulous surprise. "Shit, you actually have no idea at all!"

And now he actually seems slightly alarmed. Gavin would marvel at how many emotions he has actually managed to get out of Michael so far, but Michael is actually alarmed and it makes him a little nervous about this whole thing, never mind that he doesn't even know what this thing even is, other than that he now, apparently, has a name for what he can do. Which is nice, he supposes, but he could have lived without it, it's not like it's vital to have a name for it.

"You need a Guide, you idiot!"

And Gavin just looks at him, uncomprehending, because while he has no idea what Michael is even talking about, he understands enough to get that Michael doesn't mean something like a city guide or something.

"What are you talking about, Michael?" he asks, finally, after he's decided that for once the expectant look on his face is actually meant to prompt Gavin to react somehow and it's obviously not what Michael had hoped for.

Groaning, he lets his head fall into his hands and shakes it hopelessly and Gavin would feel bad, if he knew what it is that he should have done differently.

"Shit."

 

* * *

 

And that's how Gavin ends up coming home with Michael.

It sounds a lot more exciting than it is - Michael mostly just decides that no break in the world would be long enough to actually explain everything that needs to be explained to Gavin, so they're going to do it after work. And because he doesn't want to do it at the office, they go home to Michael. It's simple as that.

Or that's what Gavin tells himself, anyway, because he's ridiculously excited while they're sitting in the car, fidgeting in place as quietly as he can to avoid drawing Michael's attention to it.

If it were anyone else, Gavin would probably be the first to immediately look into all the rooms of the flat, check out pictures, look at stuff - the kinds of things people usually tell you not to do if you're in a stranger's flat because it's not polite. But this is Michael and he feels nervous around him, somehow, for all he tries to get his attention, always, everywhere. Now he has it and it feels like he doesn't want to botch it up.

He's not used to feeling that way and it makes him a little uncomfortable in its newness.

It doesn't help that he doesn't really know what to say - for once in his life - and Michael isn't particularly talkative right then, either. They're mostly just sitting on the couch in the living room and avoiding looking at each other; Michael by scrowling at the tv and Gavin my trying to take in as much of his surroundings as possible without coming off as an impolite asshole.

So it's probably not a surprise that his brain chooses that moment to slip.

'Oh no,' he has enough time to think before his perception is slipping sideways and-

(There are green sheets on Michael's bed, nice, it's his favourite colour and there's three mugs in the middle cabinet in the kitchen and there's still an unopened box in the wardrobe from whenever Michael moved and there is a pool that belongs to the complex Michael lives in and it looks really nice and there-)

"Hey!"

It's just one word, but it's sharp and only a little angry and Gavin feels almost disoriented with how suddenly he just came out of his little daze and he ignores the way Michael isn't looking at him with concern but with slight annoyance, like Gavin did that just to mess with him (like he can actually control it) to concentrate on feeling less like someone just woke him from a deep sleep.

"Don't you know you're not supposed to wake sleepwalking people?" Gavin asks and he only means it half-jokingly, but surely there's some sort or resemblance between that and his dazes, but Michael just scoffs at him.

"You're not sleepwalking, you're just anchorless. How long haven't you had a Guide for?"

"I don't know what that is!"

Gavin can't keep the exasperation entirely out of his voice, because why does Michael keep bringing it up when it's so obviously something missing from Gavin's knowledge? Even now, Michael looks at him like he isn't quite sure if he can believe him, like there's anything about this Gavin would gain by lying - it wouldn't even be a fun joke, it would just be stupid.

"A person who keeps you anchored to the here and now," Michael finally says and it's almost - soft, the way he says it, like he's pitying Gavin for some reason he doesn't understand. It rubs Gavin the wrong way, somehow and he side eyes Michael, but he isn't even looking.

"You're a Sentinel - dammit, I should have known! - you're bound to get lost sometimes. Guides help you find back, they keep you in the present and from losing yourself in details."

Michael still isn't looking at him, but now Gavin doesn't even mind that much. He's caught up in what Michael is telling him about, in the little things he'd overheard when he was younger that actually make sense now and how it feels like somehow, things suddenly make just that little bit more sense.

"It's dangerous," Michael says suddenly and he's finally looking at Gavin, but it's with a grave sobriety that throws him off for a moment. "For a Sentinel not to have a Guide, that is."

And Gavin still doesn't really know what Michael is talking about and he's not sure any of it makes actual sense, but he makes a quiet 'huh'.

"So what happens?"

"You zone out, like, constantly you moron. It's getting worse!"

And sure, he'd been getting his little zones a little more often recently but he hadn't thought it was because he was missing something - he'd attributed it to Michael being around, because Michael was just so interesting and there were details to be taken in. And Michael must see his thoughts (or some of them, anyway) on his face, because he closes his eyes in aggravation and sighs.

"Look, a Guide is supposed to balance you out. You can't just run around, ignoring your dazes because at some point, you'll get stuck in one. Hell, you were supposed to have a Guide all the time - so you can come back to them."

"So it's sort of like a rechargeable battery?"

For once Michael doesn't look at him like he wants to smack some sense into his brain. Instead, he actually looks like he's thinking about what Gavin's just said.

"You know, that's actually pretty close."

Well.

"I don't have one," Gavin shrugs, still not seeing the problem. He's gone twenty three years without one, so it can't be too bad. When he tells Michael so, the annoyed look on his face is back suddenly.

"You're a moron. As long as you lived at home you had the effect from your parents! You came over here and didn't even bother looking for one and-"

He breaks off and makes indistinguishable sounds, but they sound a little like he's growling and Gavin mostly finds the whole situation to be confusing and just a tiny bit funny, because Michael is getting so worked up over it and he can't understand why. It's all fine, after all.

"Relax, Michael. I'm handling it."


	4. Chapter 4

He really isn't handling it.

The problem is, Michael was right. Gavin actually has no idea what he's dealing with and even after the (admittedly, half-assed) explanation he still goes on as before. He doesn't even admit even to himself that he might need a little help, but then, he never really had anyone explain everything to him before - that's what he says to justify his actions later on, anyway.

He thinks about calling his parents for a moment, but he's mildly nervous they're going to think he's cracked because of the hot Texan sun or something, so he doesn't. His brain doesn't even tilt sideways that evening, and he feels assured that Michael had really just been spinning tales, before.

Everything's fine and he definitely doesn't need any kind of help and especially not the ‘Guide’ Michael had kept mentioning. There’s no more almost slips, and certainly no actual slips and he almost feels like a normal for a while, there. The ticking of the clock isn’t too loud, and the way someone in one of the other offices runs back and forth doesn’t grate on his nerves at all, because he doesn’t actually hear it for once.

It actually goes well until he comes to work next day, sets up his microphone and the laptop and suddenly he's gone.

He doesn't even feel it coming on. It's just, one second he's there, looking at the screen and the next he's - he doesn't even know.

It's not just details that he's concentrating on for once and he's almost scared for a moment, even though he tells himself there's no reason to be. It's just his head, he'll come out of it, there's nothing to get nervous over, even if he has no idea what's going on. But there's really just nothing around him and his head hurts, and he can't feel his body and he can't breathe because he doesn't feel anything and there's no air and-

There's a hand on his cheek, for a moment and he's too caught up in the touch to get that it had only been a slap, even if it feels like there's skin touching his face right then. Geoff is nowhere to be seen and it actually seems like Michael and him are the only ones in the office. When Michael had arrived, Gavin can’t say, but he must have been out a while because even Michael looks a little disquieted and okay, Gavin is ready to admit that maybe his little attacks have been getting steadily worse.

"You stupid fucking moron, sit there and don't move."

And he puts his hand on the back of Gavin's neck and it's warm and nice and for a moment he almost dozes off, because everything's quiet, Michael's breathing and the soft hum of the computers around them the only sources of sound.

"We're going to have to get you a Guide," Michael says then, decisively and Gavin still doesn't really know what he means by that, but he'll accept it, because Michael doesn't sound angry right then, only a little impatient, and it's nice.

"I'll put it on Craigslist," he mutters before he can think better of it, but he's sleepy and it's so nice and, "Why can’t you just be my Guide or whatever?"

Because even if he doesn't know what a Guide actually does, and if Michael is one, Michael is doing whatever it is well and he's not freaked out by what Gavin can do and he's pulled him out of his little dazes before and has done so again, so it's all good. But going by Michael's face he might just have asked him to marry him.

"No, Gavin! You can't just go around asking Guides to help you, it's - there has to be mutual respect and trust and-"

"But I do trust you!" Gavin protests, because he does and nothing Michael's said so far is a reason not to have Michael as his Guide.

"Well, I don't like you, asshole!"

And for a moment Gavin feels honestly disheartened about it, until he pushes through it and ignores the sad little thought that Michael still doesn't see him as a friend.

"But Michael!"

All the pouting he does doesn't help if Michael isn't actually looking at him - which he isn’t, at least right then.

"I have to bear your presence at work, already. I don't want to have to see you all the time outside of it, too!"

“Well, that’s not nice.”

Despite the smile on his face, it stings a little, that Michael still seems to dislike him so much, even after he’s made an actual effort to act acceptably.

“You win some, you lose some,” he tries to tell himself, even when he’s already at home that evening, moodily staring at the tv in front of him. Geoff and Griffon are in the kitchen, talking and giggling about one thing or another, and he feels weirdly affronted by it.

He knows he’s being an asshole, but he can’t help it, anyway. The laughter just serves to remind him of his own bad mood and it bothers him.

The movie he’s watching is bad, even though he hasn’t even taken in half of what has happened so far and he ends up getting up and going to bed without saying anything to Geoff and Griffon - they’re both busy with each other, anyway. They’d probably also notice that something’s wrong and he doesn’t want to destroy their good mood - he’s not that much of a prick.

He also goes on craigslist and actually looks for Guides.

 

* * *

 

While he hadn’t been serious when he’d said so to Michael at first, Gavin doesn’t actually know where else he would even start looking for Guides. Things like that might be common knowledge to Michael, but he’d never even heard of them before, so how would he?

So where does one look for anything, really? Craigslist is pretty much the place to go, so Gavin powers up his computer and starts looking.

The first problem occurs to him pretty much immediately - he has no idea what to search for. He doesn’t think Guides just advertise what they are, similar to how he has never read about Sentinels anywhere and didn’t even know that’s what he is before being told.

It’s how he ends up in the “strictly platonic” part of the personals section and somehow he isn’t at all surprised when a large part of the ads are, in fact, not “strictly platonic”.

He doesn’t find any Guides on Craigslist. It’s a little disappointing, but he can’t say he didn’t expect it.

 

* * *

 

“There aren’t any Guides on Craigslist.”

There’s currently nobody in the office but him and Michael, so Gavin decides they need to have a conversation. Michael had, for the most part, seemed to pointedly ignore Gavin until then and he’s sick of it. Even on his worst days he’d gotten some kind of attention from Michael. So he chooses that moment to talk, being as irritating as possible, lying in his chair as much as he can without falling offof it and staring at Michael with slightly amused frustration on his face.

For a short moment, Michael pauses editing the Rage Quit he’s working on and just... stops. Gavin doesn’t think he’s even breathing during those few seconds. Then he slowly turns to Gavin and looks at him with open disbelief on his face.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking idiot,” he says and is about to continue when the door suddenly opens and Jack and Geoff are walking in, each of them a large coffee mug in their hands.

“We know,” Geoff says flippantly, not even looking at them as he heads for his computer. “What did he do this time?”

Michael continues to glare at him for a few seconds, before he sort of shakes himself and turns back to the Rage Quit.

“Don’t ask. No, really,” he repeats when it looks like Geoff is going to do just that. “Just don’t.”

After that there’s a sort of tense silence in the whole office that Gavin actually feels bad for causing. It hadn’t been his intention, he hadn’t known Michael would be angry at him for looking on Craigslist - he’d thought he might actually get him to laugh at Gavin being dumb, but that didn’t go according to plan, apparently.

“Why are you so angry, Michael?” He asks quietly, plaintively, while everyone else has their headphones on and is (hopefully) not listening.

For a moment it seems like Michael is going to ignore his question, never mind that for once, Gavin is being serious and does, in fact, know that the situation can't afford the humor he usually tries to shove at everything.

"You can't just go around, throwing terms at people, you moron," Michael says finally, glancing around the office to make sure nobody is listening in on them before talking. "It's not common knowledge for a reason. You don't want to have to try your hand at crime solving or some shit like that, do you?"

There's a smirk pulling at Michael's lips at the last part and even though it's most likely only because he's making fun of Gavin in his head, he can't help but grin, too.

"I would make an awesome detective, and you know it, Michael!"

He doesn't get a reaction other than an eyeroll this time, before Michael turns back to his screen, but Gavin can't even bring himself to mind. Michael had stopped ignoring him and had actually talked to him for a bit. That's enough progress for a day.

 

* * *

 

That evening, Gavin is waiting for Geoff to finish up with the video he'd been working on, idling around in the break room to pass the time, when Michael comes in and pointedly walks towards him.

"We're going to get you a goddamn Guide," he says and for a moment Gavin just sort of... looks at him.

"That's nice?" he tries, finally, because he actually has no idea how to respond to something like that. Michael just nods like it's what he expected. And then he leaves again.

"Weird."

 

* * *

 

They don’t actually do anything to get Gavin a guide, he doesn’t think. In fact, Michael seems to be ignoring him the next day - so much, the others actually glance at them now and then. Instead, he seems to be staring at his screen with intense concentration, not even reacting with a twitch when Gavin comments with something that’s usually sure to get some kind or reaction and/or outburst from Michael.

Nothing.

At some point, Gavin actually starts doubting that Michael had actually talked to him in the break room, the day before. Maybe it had really only been a waking dream brought on by his exhaustion or something like that.

But then Michael turns up in front of him while he’s walking towards the office, holding up a list. Gavin mostly just stares quizzically at it, before he does the same to Michael

“How- Where did you find them so fast?” he asks, looking at the paper in wonder. He hadn’t even known where to even start - Gavin had turned to craigslist, for god’s sake!

“I know a few people here.” Michael rolls his eyes, sighing when Gavin starts to grin. “Stop that, dumbass. It’s not like a secret society thing - I just have a former schoolmate who lives here who knows people and things.”

That doesn’t stop Gavin from grinning, though, because Michael had just known what he’d thought without Gavin having to say it. In his book, that’s progress - Michael can already follow his thought patterns.

 

* * *

 

It’s kinda funny, Gavin thinks, looking into the mirror while he’s pulling at his hair, like that’s going to make it less messy - not that it helps. It’s just getting too long to manage, by now. He’s in clothes that, according to Michael, don’t make him look like a slob or, alternatively, like a fool.

Gavin mostly just feels uncomfortable.

But however much he’d whined, Michael had insisted on him trying to make a good impression, growling when Gavin had kept saying that this wasn’t a date, after all.

“They have to actually spend time with you if you turn out to fit,” he’d explained grudgingly, list in his hands. As if there were suddenly going to be more than the three people he’d found on it. “The least you can do is make an effort.”

So Gavin does, even though it’s mostly so Michael doesn’t have an actual reason to despise him - which he thinks refusing to do as asked after Michael’s already chosen to help him would be.

“This is bollocks,” he mutters to himself, turning away from the mirror but still pulling at his shirt, like that’s suddenly going to make it more comfortable. (It doesn’t.)

Michael is sitting in the living room, watching some weird show on TV, not that Gavin cares - he’s surprisingly nervous about this, considering it’s not even a date. Not in the conventional sense, anyway. His eyes slip to the kitchen for a moment, where he knows the beer is stocked.

Michael must catch him, though, because he’s turning off the TV and snorting just a moment later.

“Don’t even think about it, Gavin. You’re not going to meet any of those drunk off your ass.”

“But Michael-”

“No, Gavin,” this time there’s steel behind his words and Gavin actually shuts up for a second. “This is important, you’re not going to resort to your ‘Oh god, it’s a date’-tactic for this.”

“Okay, Michael.”

While he does agree, Gavin would probably have still given in to the urge to gather a little liquid courage, if Michael hadn’t stayed with him until it was time to leave.

They don’t know each other long enough that this level of knowledge about another person would be fair, Gavin thinks absentmindedly as he climbs into the passenger’s seat of Michael’s car. Because it is kind of weird, isn’t it, to know things like how the other copes with pre-date stress about a person you make a big deal out of not liking?

Because that’s basically what Michael is doing and Gavin doesn’t know what to make of all this; Michael helping him, making him clean up for something that resembles a date way too closely to make Gavin feel comfortable with, driving him there, even. It all goes a little far for someone Michael is supposed to hate.

At least it’s not some kind of posh restaurant they stop at, Gavin thinks absently, but relieved. Michael must read the thought on his face somehow, because he makes an effort to hide the reluctant grin that flies over his lips for a moment.

“Come on, moron. Let’s get you introduced.”

 

* * *

 

Michael doesn’t leave Gavin alone the whole evening. His fears that he’d end up alone in a room, not knowing who he’s supposed to approach, ends up being a useless one, with Michael pretty much right next to him (and also the bar being a pretty small one with few people in it that early in the evening).

As it turns out, Michael actually knows the guy they’re meeting personally, not that he tells Gavin so. Instead, he watches as the two smile when they catch sight of each other, shaking hands and hugging half-heartedly.

“How have you been?” the other guy asks Michael, not even acknowledging Gavin for the moment, throwing him off just like that. At the same time, Michael shrugs and answers something that’s just as much smalltalk as the original question.

It actually gets boring after a while and Gavin starts looking around the bar, searching for something to hold his attention. He doesn’t even notice he’s halfway gone when Michael’s hand shakes him out of it just by brushing against him.

This is boring, he thinks to himself, watching with a frown as the guy Michael is talking to laughs about something Michael’s said. Also, isn’t this supposed to be about him looking for a Guide? Because Gavin is feeling distinctly ignored and he is starting to regret giving up his sleep for this.

Nobody is even looking in his direction and it sucks nobs.

“Michael. Hey, Michael. Michael.”

The other guy’s gone to get more drinks and Gavin is furiously trying to get Michael to react with something beyond the little tick of his eyebrow whenever Gavin calls for him.

“He’s ignoring me, Michael. I don’t think this is going well at all.”

Michael doesn’t say anything, which - for Gavin - is silent agreement, because if nothing else, Michael is usually very vocal in his disagreement with him. He’s also frowning into his beer, which is a sign that he’s not very happy with how everything’s going, either, and Gavin feels like his predictions that this would go awesome are confirmed.

Then the guy comes back and there are three beers, which shows that he’s not ignoring Gavin entirely, at least. And still he doesn’t really talk to him beyond a simple, “here”. And it continues on like that for a little while more, before the guy sighs and leans back, looking askance at Michael like he’s trying to figure him out and Gavin wants to growl at him for it for reasons unknown to him.

“So, what’s the deal, what did you call me up for?”

He’s looking at Michael with inquisitive eyes, but they flicker to Gavin ever so often as he asks. It’s more attention than he’d given Gavin during the last three hours, collectively.

For a moment, Gavin thinks Michael is going to cop out, pull some stupid excuse out of the air, because there’s a weird hesitation before he answers the question.

“He needs a Guide,” he says, with an apparent carelessness that is belied by the way his fingers tap against the table top. For a moment there’s silence, except for the quiet tap, tap, tap of Michael’s short fingernails tapping against wood.

Then the guy laughs.

It’s not a quiet chuckle or even a chortle, it’s a full-body, boisterous laugh, like Michael had just made the world’s funniest joke. Both him and - after a glance to make sure - Michael are entirely out of the loop, staring at the guy in confused annoyance or just plain confusion, in Gavin’s case.

Looking at them with a grin and chuckles finally fading, the guy shakes his head.

“You’re comedic gold,” he tells them (or Michael, Gavin supposes. He himself hadn’t gotten more than three words in on any conversation so far, after all).

Michael looks at him with stoic seriousness, but he doesn’t say anything, which, Gavin guesses, is probably because he’s as aware of what the man is talking about as Gavin, himself, is. Which is not at all.

The guy doesn’t even seem to notice Michael’s steady, unamused gaze at first. It really seems like he’s having the time of his life, laughing at Gavin’s predicament and Gavin frowns when he thinks that. It seems like an oddly malicious thing to do to a person he hasn’t even exchanged more than five words with.

“He’s going to get lost,” Michael says, then and even though Gavin’s not familiar with the phrasing, it’s easy enough to discern what he means. But the other guy is snorting and rolling his eyes at them.

“No, he’s not,” he says, dry amusement in his voice.

Michael looks at him with a frown and for a moment Gavin thinks he’s going to push it. Gavin kind of wants to do the same thing, mostly because he believes Michael when he says it’s serious and that this guy is saying something different is secondary. But before he can say anything, the guy shakes his head with a smile. Though it has a mocking edge to it, it’s still mostly friendly.

“Dude, I’m not going to jump at being some poor sap’s Guide. I rather like not having to take responsibility for a random person. No offense.”

He leaves pretty soon after that, aware that the only reason why they’d even arranged the meetup had vanished after the revelation that he was entirely uninterested.

Gavin looked at Michael, while Michael did anything to not have to look at him.

“We’re going to find someone,” he says, trying to reassure Gavin, anyway. Nevermind that Gavin doesn’t really believe it.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day at work is tense. Gavin doesn’t know if it’s because Michael is still minged off because of the guy the day before or if maybe it’s just him who’s tense and projecting it on everyone else.

Because he is kind of nervous, there’s no way around it. There’s always the thought that he might zone out at any moment, in the back of his head. Michael still doesn’t seem to like to spent more time even just looking at him than absolutely necessary, so Gavin can’t even be sure that he’d be there to help him. Oh, he wouldn’t just leave him to it, he doesn’t doubt that, but Michael goes out of his way to avoid him, sometimes, so there’s that.

Which, that’s also kind of frustrating, because why does Michael still not like him?

It’s not like it’s only Gavin who notices, either, so he’s not imagining it. The other guys have cast speculative glances their way a few times by now, Geoff even going so far as to tell Gavin to maybe lay off of it. Maybe Michael and him only click in games, it happens, he’d said, ignoring the betrayed-disappointed look Gavin had aimed at him for it.

 

* * *

 

And then Gavin gets sick.

He doesn’t usually get sick easily, so he’s a little taken aback at first. It’s nothing more than a slight fever and an even lighter headache, and he doesn’t even know about the former at first, so he doesn’t stay at home because of it.

As it turns out, working with a headache, even if it’s not overly painful, does turn out to be quite exhausting. He gets a few questioning glances throughout the morning, because he really is a lot more quiet than usual and when he shrugs and mutters something about a headache, they nod and leave him mostly in peace, waiting for the dull ache in his head to vanish at some point.

Michael comes to work a few minutes late, but Gavin only takes in his complaining about other drivers as if there’s cotton around his ears, dull and easy enough to ignore.

The others say something, too, he thinks, but he turns up the volume of his headphones because for some reason the loud music is easier to handle than the sound of people right now, even (or especially with) his headache.

He’s pretty much completely absorbed in his editing when a tap of a finger against the base of his necks startles him away from it.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Sure,” he replies before he even notices that it’s Ray who’s asking. The question does cause Michael to look over with a frown on his face - Gavin would even go so far as to say it was concerned, if he didn’t know better.

He's already looking back at Ray again to reassure him (because he doesn't look like he believes Gavin when he's saying he is fine), when movement to his left gets his attention.

While Gavin acts like he's not looking, he's still watching Michael's every move from the corner of his eye, seeing him reach over, somehow both dreading and looking forward to the touch.

It probably comes as a surprise to both of them - it does to Gavin, anyway - that there's not really a reaction from Gavin, nothing more than a little shiver that isn't about the details at all, even though he doesn't say anything to let Michael know of that. He does neither feel better, nor like he's going to fall into a sea of details at any moment, so there's not really a difference to before, unless he counts the way his face seems to heat up, warmth seeming to spread from where Michael's fingers are touching his hand.

There's a moment where they freeze, waiting for something to happen, right up until Ray coughs out a laugh and mutters 'mavin' in their direction and Gavin feels vaguely guilty for no reason at all, while Michael’s hand vanishes as if he’d burned himself on Gavin’s skin. Instead of on the tingling in his hand, he concentrates on the video he should be editing.

The headache gets worse throughout the day. Gavin doesn't get much done because of it, and it really seems like he's doing the same thing again and again, never getting any further with the video he should have finished by evening. He also notices the concerned glances getting more and more as the time passes. It is weird for him, he supposes, not to join in on the various shenanigans going on at the office, but he can't bring himself to.

At some point Geoff prods at his shoulder (and it’s only then that Gavin notices he’s somehow managed to doze off).

“Do you need something?” he asks and for a moment Gavin is surprised that he’s not asked about having finished the editing - but then, this is Geoff, he cares, so he kind of wants to roll his eyes at himself for the thought.

“Nah.”

Shaking his head, Gavin sits up straighter in his chair, trying to shake the drowsiness off to start working again. The cloudiness of his mind is persistent, though and something of it must be visible on his face, because Geoff looks at him searchingly for a moment, before he shakes his head.

“I’m gonna drive you home, buddy,” he says and Gavin wants to shake his head and protest, but for some reason Michael is looking over at them and it feels like he’s looking right through him, for a moment. Gavin would probably squirm because it feels weird, if he wasn’t so surprised when Michael speaks up.

“You still have to do AHWU with Jack, don’t you?” he asks, still looking at Gavin, even though he’s speaking to Geoff. It’s like he expects Gavin to take off running, he thinks drily, but he doesn’t manage to hold the gaze for longer than a few seconds, anyway, because there’s something searching in Michael’s look that he doesn’t understand. “I’ll take him home, yeah?”

And Geoff hesitates, like he’s not sure if he can trust Michael with Gavin, funny enough, and Gavin would probably feel warm at that thought if he didn’t feel so crappy because of his headache.

“Get him home in one piece, okay?”

Gavin is about to protest when Geoff sends him a strict look (and it’s moments like these that he remembers that Geoff is a father, because it actually makes him shut up for a few moments) and instead waits for Michael to nod because nodding in satisfaction, himself.

And that’s how they end up in a car together, while seeming to try desperately to ignore each other. Somehow, the recollection of the day before feels like it’s sitting between them and it’s strangely embarrassing. There’s no reason for it to be, really, Gavin tries to tell himself, but it doesn’t help. And even more, Michael doesn’t even like him, so he doesn’t understand why Michael would agree to Geoff’s demand to drive him home (but then, Geoff is still their boss, so maybe that’s why).

Michael must feel about as comfortable with their situation as Gavin, since he stays silent for the whole drive as well. It’s when they stop and Michael just sort of... turns and stares at him, that Gavin gets worried.

“What?” he asks after the staring’s been going on for a few seconds, but no words have been spoken. Michael stays silent for a moment longer, before he squints at Gavin.

“Is it the Sentinel or are you really just sick?”

And the first moment after the question Gavin thinks that this must be why Michael had even offered him the ride, before he feels bad because Michael’s really a great guy when he’s not in ragequit mode. His second reflex is to say that it’s really the second, but halfway through the first word he just... stops. Because how would he know, really?

A shrug has to do and he gives Michael a helpless smile, because there’s no way for him to tell one way or another.

“I don’t feel like I’m going to drown in details at any moment, if that’s any help,” he says, trying to keep a smile on his lips - something that turns out to be a lot more difficult than expected when he feels like he could fall asleep then and there.

Michael just looks at him for a moment longer, then nods slowly, like he has to think about it while doing it.

“Okay,” he says slowly, “but I still think I’d feel better if we made sure of it.”

Gavin would probably have refused if he’d known that ‘making sure’ was really nothing else than Michael sitting on a chair in the living room while Gavin was supposed was supposed to get his rest lying on the couch.

"I don't think I like this," he mutters plaintively, staring at the ceiling with a cold washcloth on his forehead. "Staring at me isn't going to make my headache any better."

"Just making sure you're not slipping away," Michael grumbles and if Gavin didn't know better, he'd almost think-

"Why, Michael, are you concerned for me?"

He says it teasingly, but really, he almost feels wonder at the thought. Michael snorts and looks away, but he doesn't say anything to refute the claim.

"I'm just making sure you don't die before we can get you a Guide," he says stubbornly and this time Gavin rolls his eyes.

"I don't even really need one. You touched me today and nothing happened."

"Yeah, moron. That's because your body is busy fighting off the sickness. I doesn't have the attention to take in details at any prompting it gets." While he says it, he looks at Gavin like he's just said something both incredibly stupid and horrifyingly offensive at the same time. Like he can't believe Gavin would suggest something like that.

"So why are you watching me then?"

Later, Gavin will feel bad and like he'd set back, in that moment, any progress the non-existing friendship between them had made.

Right then, he's feeling sick and irritated because of the headache though, so he behaves like a little bitch, as Michael would label his behavior during that time later on.

Michael walks out and for some reason Gavin’s brain just... flips.


	5. Chapter 5

It's safe to say that Gavin remembers next to nothing about what happens then. 

When he wakes up - or really, becomes aware of his surroundings again - he's in his bed and Griffon is looking at him with a frown from where she's standing over him. This way, she looks almost scary, Gavin thinks absently.

"What's going on with you?" she asks, and that's really the only thing she has to do and Gavin is telling her about what he can do and Guides and Michael’s help.

It should probably offend him when Griffon laughs once Gavin has finished talking. Instead he feels warm and drowsy and a little like everything's going to turn out fine, simply because Griffon laughed about it.

"Do you have a crush?" she asks, however, instead of anything Guide related and Gavin's instinct is to shout, "No!"

For a moment Griffon looks surprised at his vehemence, but then she smirks.

"That was some overzealous protest, wasn't it?"

And Gavin can't say anything against that, because it _had_ been. And then what Griffon just said actually makes it to his brain.

Michael. Crush. Oh, shit.

 

* * *

 

Gavin stays home from work the next day. He feels both better and worse than the day before, but it’s not because of this that he decides not to go in. In fact, Geoff probably would have taken Gavin with him if not for Griffon.

She’d been great, asking Geoff to let Gavin try to wrap his head around a few things (even though it was really one one - Michael), first, when Geoff had mentioned that Gavin looked quite a bit better than he had yesterday.

“It’s not that,” Gavin had tried to reason, but he ended up making a lot of gesticulations and saying very little. “It’s my feelings,” didn’t sound like a good reason, after all.

Anyway, up until Griffon involved herself, he’d had little to no hope of actually accomplishing anything with Geoff.

So he gets to stay at home and lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, like it’s suddenly going to give him the answers he’s looking for - even though he doesn’t even know what, exactly, he wants to get answered.

There’s a knock on the door and he gets far as sitting up and looking towards it before Griffon is coming in, looking at him determinedly.

“Come on, you’re going to help me and then you’re going to tell me more about what’s going on with you and Michael.”

Really, there’s no arguing with that woman, so Gavin just acquiesces.

 

* * *

 

Griffon’s working on something Gavin’s not sure he could actually be of help with. She looks like she’s got it under control perfectly, concentration mirrored on her face, squinting at something that looks like a perfectly smooth expanse of wood to Gavin before going over it with sandpaper again. He has no idea what exactly she’s paying attention to when she does that, so he mostly just sits on the table next to the one she’s working on and watches as details slowly emerge.

“So,” she starts finally, as she’s holding up the piece to look at it close up, figuring out if she likes it as it is or if she wants to change something before she continues. “What’s going on with you and Michael, nowadays?”

And Gavin feels like he doesn’t even need to tell her, like she already knows everything there is to know, anyway, especially after yesterday. It feels like she read between the lines and made all the right conclusions. Now, she looks at him over what was once a piece of wood, and is now a carefully crafted piece of art and it’s the careful neutrality in her eyes that makes him think so, and also that Michael’s and his not-getting-on-with-each-other really shouldn’t be common knowledge. But then, this is Griffon, and that probably doesn’t really count as common knowledge, anyway.

“I still don’t think he likes me,” he admits and somehow it hurts, to hear it out loud, even if he said it, himself. It’s like he didn’t really know it before he said it out loud - like he could make himself believe that not all is lost yet, as long as he doesn’t have to concede that everything he’s done to gain Michael’s friendship so far might have been completely and utterly useless. (Might have, actually, made things worse because he’s been getting on his nerves with all of it.)

“You can’t force friendship,” Griffon says, still smoothing out small areas of wood. There’s a strange softness in her voice, and Gavin has the urge to say that pity is not what he wants. That might actually not be what she’s offering him, though, because when she does meet his eyes, there’s a smile in it - as much as eyes can smile, which, with Griffon, is a lot - and it doesn’t seem like she’s pitying him at all. And Gavin feels bad, because he knows that, he _knows_ it. He never used to try to get people who plain didn’t like him to consider him a friend, but it’s Michael and he _wants_. 

“So I should give up?” he asks, because really, by that point he probably would, if Griffon told him to. He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore, the whole situation is just so completely out of what he’s used to.

Griffon makes a thoughtful noise, and she’s looking at the wood again, working out little chinks and unevenness. “I think you should do what you think is right. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

_Too late_ , he wants to say, _he hates me and it’s my fault and it hurts_ \- but the thought feels like there’s something hollow in his chest, so he only thinks it and keeps watching as Griffon makes art. There’s a twinge in his temple, like the start of a headache and a weight in his chest, and he feels sorry for himself, but in that moment, he feels even sorrier for trying to force his company onto Michael.

 

* * *

 

“Morning,” Gavin mutters as he walks into the office after Geoff, forcing himself not to let his eyes wander to Michael, immediately. A chorus of “Morning”s answers and he doesn’t roll his chair over to Michael right after he’s fallen into it, like he usually does.

It turns out to be surprisingly difficult to ignore Michael’s presence beside his own. Instead, he starts paying a lot more attention to the other guys and their desks. (There’s a new thing on Ray’s - another rose, fanmade, most likely out of some artsy material he would never think to make something out of. Jack keeps fiddling with his phone more than usual, slight smile on his face and-)

It’s only because of this, his newfound interest in all of their desks, that he even notices the confused glances they send each other. It is, surprisingly, Jack who finally pulls him outside and levels a contemplative stare at him.

“You’re breaking our dynamic,” he tells Gavin straight up and for a moment Gavin is confused. Until Jack nods at the closed door. (And it speaks for itself that Gavin knows immediately what and who Jack means with that.) “You’re not annoying Michael anymore.”

“Yeah, well,” Gavin just says, because what else is there? He doesn’t exactly want to make it common knowledge that he’s apparently got the hots for their colleague - not when now, afterwards, everything he’s done to Michael so far seems so much like immature pigtail pulling.

Gavin doesn’t know what it is that Jack sees in his face right then, but it makes him leave it be and walk back into the office, shaking his head to himself.

 

* * *

 

Michael keeps looking over at him. At first Gavin thinks it’s because he is more quiet, or because he just isn’t being his usual annoying self. But then he remembers that he actually had tried that to get Michael's friendship and/or attention before.

It had seemed like Michael had managed to completely blend him out, back then. Only now, he is apparently... not.

 

* * *

 

"What's going on?"

Gavin closes his eyes for a moment, not believing this. He'd decided on eating at the office, seeing as the other guys had decided on getting something, Michael included. Or so Gavin had thought, at least.

“Why aren’t you getting food with the others?” Gavin asks, forcing his eyes to stay concentrated on the computer screen and not the man impatiently tapping his foot beside him.

“Because you’re being a bitch.”

It shouldn’t, but the casual way Michael says it takes him aback a little and before Gavin knows it, he’s looking at Michael, sputtering.

“What, are you this mad that the last Guide laughed at us?”

“It’s not that,” Gavin wants to say because to be honest, he’d almost completely forgotten about that already, until Michael had just mentioned it. But then Michael would probably ask what his problem is, then and he wouldn’t be able to tell - unless he wants to destroy what little Michael gets on with him - and they still have to work together, so that would be dumb. Even Geoff would probably not like to see the dynamic they’ve all fallen into during LPs buggered up because of him.

So he just shrugs, letting Michael draw his own conclusions from that. Getting up from the chair, he tries to move past Michael, who is crowded close to him for some reason Gavin doesn’t understand, but definitely doesn’t approve of as much as he probably should.

The warmth of Michael’s body causes his fingers to tingle as he presses past him, Michael staying stubbornly in place, observing him with oddly inquisitive eyes.

“What the fuck?” he mutters and reaches out-

_And there’s a woman on the phone, fighting with her husband and she’s more than two streets away and the smell of ketchup and fries from where someone in the upper offices got Burger King and a shift in the humming of electricity as someone causes it to short out because of something to do with water and the socket and the slight smell of Barbara’s shampoo a few rooms over and a breeze and soft steps and a breath and_ _Michael-_

He takes a deep breath, because he feels like he’d almost just drowned, tired and weirdly tingly. There’s the floor underneath his back and Michael standing over him. He’s frowning and the fists by his sides are so tight his knuckles stand out white.

“You asshole!”

And then a whole barrage of curses follows.

 

* * *

 

Gavin doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s been watching Michael pace and mutter angrily for minutes now, and he still hasn’t figured out what shook him so much. But he’s frowning and glancing at Gavin every few seconds, angrily like Gavin did something to piss him off. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to have done - he did stay out of Michael’s way for most of the day until right then, after all.

„Michael?“ Gavin asks carefully, looking at Michael's balled fists with wary concern. He is completely unprepared when Michael whirls around, suddenly turning around to stare at him with fury glittering in his eyes.

“How did you do it?”

There's suppressed anger in his voice, and if he could, Gavin would answer him, apologizing in the same move - but he doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to have done, much less how, so he just looks at Michael in confused helplessness, hoping that Michael won’t take it for a trick.

“Listen, you asshole,” Michael starts, leaning down towards him and they’re so close they could touch and-

Michael makes a sound that sounds suspiciously like a gasp, flinching back from him as if Gavin had done something to offend him. The anger stays in his motions and on his face, but he doesn’t come too close to him again and some part of Gavin wonders what changed between now and when Michael had crowded close to him before his little episode.

Just the episode, really, and Michael is more or less familiar with those, already, so he couldn’t have been alienated by them. Gavin hopes so, anyway, not believing that Michael would hold that against him in any way.

“We’ve bonded,” Michael presses through gritted teeth and for a moment Gavin just stares at him. Michael’s eyes are trained on the wall behind him, like he can’t bear to look into Gavin’s face right then, his hands balled into fists once more. He looks like a man ready for his execution and Gavin has the vague feeling that he should be offended by that, but he isn’t because the situation has him numb with confused surprise. “It’s your fault. I have no idea how, but you did it.”

“That’s… good, isn’t it?” he asks hesitantly, because Michael looks anything but happy about the situation. With the way he is acting, Michael might understand something else under being bonded, actually.

“No, it’s not fucking good!”

Michael is suddenly in his face and Gavin looks at him in surprise, leaning back just a little because Michael is very firmly in his space right then and it makes his fingers tingle. Touching him right then seems like a not-so-good idea, even if his fingers are urging him to do so.

“Oh?” he makes instead, trying to take his mind off the way his body wants to react to Michael being so close and to maybe understand what Michael is so upset about.

Michael’s hands slam down on his shoulders and Gavin ends up on his back on the floor and now his shoulders are tingling as well, where Michael is touching him through the fabric of his shirt.

He hears the steps only seconds before they are at the door and he pushes up against the hands that are still keeping him on the ground, ignoring the way it gets him even closer to Michael and the way his heart beats too fast to be normal. 

“Michael,” is the only thing he manages to say, before the door opens and the other guys spill into the room. 

It takes them only a second to see them and they freeze. Not that Gavin and Michael react any differently, not moving from where they are, never mind that under different circumstances, it could be taken as a quite incriminating pose.

It’s Ray who finally breaks the silent stupor they’ve all fallen into, drawing up an eyebrow and smirking at them, like he’s just uncovered a secret.

“So, mavin?” he asks, and of course that’s what he starts with.

“Shut up, Ray,” Gavin says together with Michael, because he honestly can’t see the joke in that right then. Everyone else laughs, though and it should probably be more of a relief when everyone snorts and walks to their computer, not even paying attention to Michael and him on the ground, anymore.

But Ray smirks at them and he winks and Gavin thinks that Ray might have gotten the wrong picture, still. Never mind how much Gavin would like there to be something between them - friendship, at least, Michael and him are still adversaries at best, he guesses.

“You come with me,” Michael mutters just loud enough for Gavin to hear, drawing him out of his thoughts with it. He doesn’t even wait for a nod or some sort of reaction before he’s shoving away from him. Nobody so much as looks up from their screens when Michael leaves the room, but when Gavin finally gets up from the floor, Ray turns around in his chair and squints at him.

“So, what did you do?” he asks, as if it’s a given that he did _something_. Gavin would be annoyed or at least a little miffed about that, if his whole body wasn’t still in a state of confusion because of suddenly being deprived of Michael near him after being close distance to him for minutes. It feels like he’s still reeling from that.

“I didn’t do anything!” he protests, even if it seems lackluster without the scandalised outrage he’d intended to infuse his voice with. He can’t seem to muster it up, though.

Ray snorts and looks back at his screen and part of Gavin wants to protest further - a bigger part of him just wants to finally follow Michael, though. So that’s just what he does.

He mutters something that’s vaguely supposed to sound angry (which he probably fails at) before he leaves the room to go after Michael. The others most likely draw their own conclusions from that, but Gavin can’t find it in himself to mind or even care.

 

* * *

 

“We’re bonded,” Michael says when Gavin follows him into an empty office, looking at him like it’s supposed to mean something. He talks like it’s something bad, but Gavin can’t seem to think of any context where those words could mean something truly awful, so he just keeps looking at Michael blankly, and hopes that he will explain.

The thing is, Michael truly seems to be expecting for Gavin to know what he means, because his carefully neutral expression falls into a deep growl when he sees that this is not the case.

“ _Bonded_ , you moron,” he says again, with more force, like it’s suddenly going to make more sense to Gavin because of it. “I’ve somehow become your guide.”

And Gavin has to actually concentrate on his facial muscles not to let the huge grin that wants to break out on his face show at that. It’s obvious that Michael is dismayed about it and he should probably feel… something else than happy, but he can’t.

“So, how?” Gavin asks, not because it’s a question that will keep him up at night if he doesn’t know, but because he wants to distract both Michael and himself from the fact that he really wants to smile brightly.

Michael is still growling as he answers, looking at Gavin suspiciously, like he expects him to have done something to cause the bond.

“No idea.”

Oh. Well, that’s weird.

 

* * *

 

The thing is, bonds are a particular thing, not that Gavin knows that, by that point. They act after a certain scheme most of the time, bringing together compatible people that are actually willing to spend time in each other’s company. But sometimes bonds have a mind of their own - a little, at least - as Michael and Gavin learn that day.

 

* * *

 

“Michael? Is it reversible?” he asks carefully, not sure what he wants the answer to be. Yes, he’d wanted Michael to be his Guide before, but not if he loathes the idea of being bound to Gavin in such a way.

Michael snorts disdainfully.

“It’s a bond, moron,” he says bitterly. “Not a computer program where you can just undo the last 5 steps with a few clicks.”

So… that’s a no, then. That’s- he doesn’t actually know if it’s good or bad, but it’s _something_.

“What are we going to do then, Michael?” he should probably at least be nervous about the question, since Michael and him don’t exactly see eye to eye most of the time, but all he feels right then is an idle curiosity.

Michael pulls a grimace, like he doesn’t actually want to say what he’s about to say.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do. It might end up dissolving if we don’t fit, after all, but I’m not holding my breath for that.”

And that’s as good as Michael admitting that he’d felt the pull between the two of them before as well, isn’t it? Or at least that he’d noticed the possibility of a friendship between them. It feels weird to have the situation forced upon them now because of the bond, but Gavin chooses to see it as an opportunity to figure out how to get on well with each other.

 

* * *

 

They end up driving to Michael's house. Or really, Michael drives and Gavin keeps quiet to make sure he doesn't get thrown out of the car.

There had been exaggerated looks of surprise when Gavin had told Geoff he wouldn't need to wait for him since he was going home with Michael. Gavin would have liked to say that the looks were entirely uncalled for, but considering Michael and him hadn't spent time outside of work together even just once until now, they were maybe justified in reacting like something of unparalleled surprise was happening. 

"What?!" Michael had snapped when Ray wouldn't stop staring at him during the time while Gavin got his stuff together.

Gavin had been concentrating on not forgetting anything, and still there seemed to be an extra sense he'd developed that just focused on Michael. It felt like a phantom pain in a limb in the back of his head that had never actually existed, only not painful, just strange and even now it’s still there.

“I can feel you in my brain,” Gavin says, then frowns when Michael jerks the car to the side of the road. “That came out sounding weirder than I thought it would,” he mutters, as Michael stares at him wordlessly, fingers flexing on the steering wheel.

A few seconds of silence pass before Michael breathes out heavily, shutting his eyes for a moment, before he pulls his car back onto the street.

“Just… shut the fuck up,” he tells Gavin forcefully, not even looking at him as he maneuvers his car through the busy streets to his apartment complex.

 

* * *

 

“Bollocks!” Gavin cries out almost throwing the controller down - dead _again_ , for the thousandth time during the last fifteen minutes and Michael still has four lives left!

“Michael,” he whines, “I want to play, too!”

“You lost all your lives, moron!”

But Michael is smiling just a little - barely enough for Gavin to notice, if he hadn’t heard it in his voice first and looked for it. Why they are even playing _Mario_ is not something he knows, but if Michael enjoys beating him at it, it’s fine. The reason for the impromptu battle is probably somewhere hidden in the last few hours. Or weeks, really. But if it makes Michael laugh like he did when Gavin spawned and promptly died again, he won’t complain.

He still doesn’t know anything about Guides and everything, which Gavin had been under the impression they’d driven to Michael’s apartment because of. Not that he is going to remind Michael of that, not when he is enjoying himself in Gavin’s presence for one of the very first times right then.

 

* * *

 

There had been beer when they’d arrived at Michael’s apartment - it was probably one of the reasons why Michael is content to join Gavin in a video game then, or if not content then at least he doesn’t protest loudly like he usually does whenever he and Gavin are set upon a project together. 

Watching Michael play has a strangely soothing effect on him, together with the soft game music playing in the background, turned down to avoid waking the neighbors who had to have amazing endurance if they tolerate Michael screaming his head off because of video games on a semi regular basis. It’s _nice_. Especially that Michael doesn’t keep glaring at him in hate right then.

“I like him,” Gavin thinks absently to himself, watching Michael’s fingers fly across the controller. It should be weirder, liking another guy like that - but really, it’s easy. It’s just Michael.

 

* * *

 

He falls asleep at some point, watching Michael play right up until his eyes fall shut and refuse to open again. There is a blanket, haphazardly thrown over him, the next morning.

Touching the fabric, Gavin smiles at the thought that Michael had cared enough to do that - it may be a small gesture but it’s nice. Still smiling, Gavin turns over again, falling asleep once more.

 

* * *

 

“Wake up. Hey, moron. Get up.”

Michael sounds annoyed, Gavin thinks woozily, reflexively grasping for his blanket to draw it over his head. It smells like Michael, he thinks hazily, burying into it to try and drown out the voice that is trying to raise him from his sleep. It works, right up until the blanked is abruptly torn from his grasp, surprising him into wakefulness. 

“Michael!” he whines when he sees him standing next to the couch Gavin is lying on, still holding the sought-after blanket in his hands. “ _Why_?”

“Because it's time for work, you idiot. If we don't leave now, we won't get there on time.”

Gavin groans, closing his eyes again in hopes of Michael maybe just letting him sleep if he acts like he never really had been awake in the first place.

“Don’t make me throw water at your face. I’ll make you clean it up.”

If Gavin didn’t know better, he’d almost say there’s the hint of joking banter in Michael’s voice right then, but if there is, it’s gone a second later when exasperation is all there is.

“Come _on_! Gavin!”

And then there are hands on his arms and he’s up for exactly the moment he takes to understand what’s happened, before he completely flops against Michael. The sudden change almost causes Michael to fall over with him, and he staggers back a step before he gets back his balance, still holding onto Gavin, who is still as limp as he can be without falling over, grinning at him from where he’s slumped against Michael.

“Hello, Michael,” he coos exaggeratedly and for a moment they’re frozen in place, Michael staring at him in what might be disbelieve or surprise.

Then he lets him go and Gavin only just catches himself before he goes crashing to the floor.

“Get ready for work, idiot. We’re gonna be late as it is.”

 

* * *

 

They really do end up being late and Michael glares at him a lot while they walk from the parking lot to the office because of it - not that Gavin cares a lot, he’s still high on the thought that Michael cared enough to give him a blanket during the night. That might be a little pathetic, but Gavin honestly doesn’t care.

They are lucky in the way that only Ray is in the office when they arrive there - they’re unlucky for the same reason, though. Because when they open the door and enter, Ray turns around to them, shit eating grin on his face.

“Had a fun night?” he asks and wiggles his eyebrows and for a moment a part of Gavin feels vaguely uncomfortable at how close to home that hits. Michael has no such problem, though; he just reacts by glaring at Ray and snarling.

“Shut the fuck up, Ray.”

“Look, it’s the two lovebirds!” Geoff says from behind them in that moment and Michael looks like he’s going to shout at someone, before he takes a breath and just shakes his head.

“You’re all idiots.”

And that’s that, really.

 

* * *

 

They never had ended up talking about what Michael had invited him to come home with him, for - Sentinels and Guides and whatever was going to happen now.

Gavin doesn’t actually mind - he feels good as it is and it really seems like Michael isn’t hating him too much anymore, by that point, and anyway, it doesn’t seem like something that’s immediately vital to know. Michael obviously disagrees about that, because when he seeks out Gavin that day, it’s with an expression of distinct reluctance and unwillingness and he really couldn’t imagine another reason than that for him to decide this was worth it.

“Geoff told us to do a rage quit.”

And for a moment Gavin just looks at him, because he’s entirely confused as to why Michael would tell him about that, before the words actually penetrate his brain and the fact that he’d said ‘us’ registers.

 

* * *

 

It goes… surprisingly well. Michael doesn’t kill him or even just try to and that in itself seems like a huge achievement. They don’t manage to finish _Slender_ at all - mostly because Gavin had gotten so surprised he’d unplugged the mouse and they just couldn’t be bothered to set everything up again, so they’d left it at that.

Still, after the rage quit, it had taken a while for Michael to calm down again, not that Gavin thinks this was all just due to him - Michael always tends to need a few minutes before he’s finished coming down from his rage again, so this doesn’t actually surprise anyone.

Rooting through the cabinets in the break room, Gavin spends the time out of the office looking for something to eat while Michael is watching MLP or whatever he does to get back his (relative) calm. He idly contemplates getting Geoff to take him to get dinner later while at the same time trying to figure out the slight unease he feels in the back of his head. There’s no reason to feel like that, not that he knows of.

He’s currently debating whether to bring Michael a Red Bull or if that will cause him to become jittery or destroy any progress he’s made with his calm, when someone slaps down a hand on his shoulder, startling him so badly he almost drops the Red Bull.

"Gavin!"

Geoff drops into the seat Gavin had been standing next to, smirking at him like he knows something Gavin does not. It immediately makes him feel on edge.

“So, did you and Michael have fun yesterday?” he asks casually and for a moment Gavin looks at him uncomprehendingly until Geoff waggles his brows at him and abrupt warmth floods his face.

“Geoff!” he hisses, looking at the door as if Michael’s going to appear there at any moment and think that Gavin had started spreading lies around.

“What?” he asks, but there’s a grin on his face and it destroys the whole picture of innocence he’s trying to go for.

And Gavin only manages to glare at him for a moment longer before he just stops, crumpling in his chair.

“He doesn’t like me!” he complains, whining. “I made him my Guide somehow and he doesn’t like me and it’s rubbish.”

Geoff makes a thoughtful sound. “I don’t know what that bit about making him a guide means. But that crush of yours - you actually, really like him, don’t you?”

It seems like the understatement of the century, really. Gavin snorts, looking at the top of his desk in bitter amusement. The whole not-being-liked thing wouldn’t be such a big deal if he could just _not care_ about it.

He says as much and Geoff looks at him thoughtfully for a while. Gavin would be concerned about what that means if he wasn’t so busy looking at the hole in his desk as if everything is its fault.

 

* * *

 

“So, you like me.”

Gavin looks up in alarm as Michael plops into the chair next to him, Red Bull in his hand and a contemplative look - surprisingly completely void of anger - on his face. At his no doubt shocked stare, Michael snorts a dry laugh.

“I was right outside the door, dumbshit. The break room is still part of the offices.”

When he thinks about it, it really does seem a little silly that he’d really thought there wouldn’t be a possibility of someone hearing them. It just sucked that it had to be Michael.

“Michael-” Gavin starts hesitatingly, then breaks off. He doesn’t know what to follow it up with, does he want to apologize, does he try to explain? It’s not like there’s much to explain, is there?

“Shut up.” Michael doesn't sound angry and when Gavin looks at him from under his lashes, his eyeroll seems more fond than ticked off, but he is still wary.

“Seriously, stop that. I’m not gonna punch you or anything.”

And that… doesn’t actually help as much as one would expect. Instead, Gavin feels like he's waiting for the second shoe to drop while staring at Michael in panicked trepidation.

Michael just looks back at him for a long time, like he fully expects him to react in some way - never mind that his brain isn’t really working right then.

“Did I break you?” he asks, finally and while that isn’t enough to get Gavin out of the panicky corner he’s argued his mind into, it’s enough to get him to pay attention to him again.

“So, what now?” he asks and there’s a weight in his stomach that feels like disaster and pain, like Michael is going to say something that will somehow break down everything he’s done, everything he is. It’s weird, for a person to have so much power over him, he thinks momentarily. He never agreed to that. And still, at some point Michael became important enough to be able to break Gavin down, if he wanted to.

Michael shrugs and Gavin’s heart joins the stone at the bottom of his stomach, where all the potential for so much hurt is stored right then.

“Well, we’re bonded anyway. I’m not exactly going to be able to hate you, with all that, am I?”

And there must be something like guilt on Gavin’s face (because he sure as hell feels guilty for something he didn’t have any conscious control over, right then) because Michael sighs and rolls his eyes only a moment later.

“I like you too, moron. Don’t be an idiot about it.” 

And just like that, the weight in his stomach vanishes and he feels -- not great, not when there’s still so much to be resolved, but he feels _optimistic_.

Yes, optimistic is the right word.

  
  


**Epilogue**

  
  


It’s a nice day outside - he can vaguely hear some birds rustling in a tree a few streets over, but it’s background noise and almost comforting. Ray is humming something in the kitchen and there’s a general air of happy satisfaction in the air that makes him feel good.

Gavin is working on a Let’s Play - Minecraft, of course, because at some point those became mainly his responsibility. Not that he minds, he likes listening to Michael rage at him when Gavin does something dumb and he likes it even more when Team Nice Dynamite is in effect and Michael sends him warm glances and helps him out in the game. It’s like there’s an imprint of the giddy happiness he felt while recording attached to the videos and he can relive the fun while editing.

He smiles at some joke Geoff made during the game when he feels more than hears Michael enter the room. It’s in the way the air gets just a tad warmer when he is close, and also because he lightly touches Gavin’s neck as he walks past him. They’re at a point where Gavin doesn’t need to look anymore - Michael’s touch is so different, like there’s static under his skin, a tingling that moves from his toes right to the ends of his hair. He still looks away from the screen, though, smiling up at Michael as he passes, receiving a smile back.

Geoff mutters something about them being sickeningly cute and Gavin has half a mind to turn around and stick out his tongue at him. He probably would, too, if not for the fact that the move would dislodge the hand on his neck. It’s warm and nice, so he doesn’t want that.

“Shut up,” Michael throws idly in Geoff’s direction, already concentrating on turning on his computer. He doesn’t even try to sound like he’s annoyed, and if it wasn’t impossible, Gavin would almost say he sounds drily amused. There’s a smile on Gavin’s lips as well, when he concentrates on it and he quickly turns back to his screen, never mind that both Michael and Geoff have probably seen it by that point.

And even if he hadn’t, Michael would probably have felt the vague, warm amusement from Gavin, anyway. Gavin can’t find it in himself to care that he’s an open book to Michael, and, these days, he doubts Michael can, either.

**Author's Note:**

> Finishing this was a fight with myself. For a while I thought I wouldn't get it finished - I'm glad I did, but I'm definitely taking a break from writing big bang stories for now. Or at least, keep to other fandoms for big bangs. This was DIFFICULT.


End file.
